Friday, February 25, 2011

Breast Reduction Surgery


I had a breast reduction about six months before my band surgery. My motivation for that surgery was complicated. I had chronic back pain which my chiropractor admitted could be related to my oversized breasts. And although I had once been proud of my breasts (big tits rather than a pretty face being my claim to fame) I had come to hate them. They hung down to my waist and I blamed them for my stooped, matronly appearance. I truly believed that if they were smaller and perkier, the rest of my body would look better too. Intellectually I knew I was too big all over my body, but emotionally I pinned the blame on my breasts. Aside from attracting the attention of unsuitable men, they had never done me any favors. I hadn't even nursed a baby. The aureole of the nipple on my left breast was grotesquely large - about 4" in diameter, and odd shaped, while the right one was disproportionately small. They were both badly scarred from vicious scratch injuries I had inflicted on myself during a particularly difficult phase of recovering from sexual abuse. When I had my first mammogram at age 40, the technician took one look at me, went to the door, and called down the hallway (which was open to the mammography waiting area) to her coworker, "Hey, Sharon, I'm gonna need the big plates for this one!"

So I was delighted to have that breast reduction even though my insurance company dictated how much tissue had to be removed from each breast and the recovery was slow and painful. I had been anesthetized so long for that procedure that I felt as if I'd been beaten with a baseball bat after being hit by a truck. I was kept in the hospital overnight but when I was discharged late the next morning, I felt as if I'd only just woken up in the recovery room. I had lateral incisions (about 12") each running from under my arms to the center of my chest, vertical incisioins running from the lateral ones up to my new (small) nipples, and circular incisions around the nipples. A true Bride-of-Frankenstein look. Some sections of the incisions just refused to heal, gaping open so that I had to pack themwith sterile gel and gauze every day. The incisions oozed and stained my clothing because I had a hard time keeping up with changing the bandages so often. Simple movements like reaching for something in a kitchen cabinet or turning over in bed were difficult. I toughed it out - after all, this was all my idea in the first place. The incisions finally healed, the bruises faded, the swelling subsided, and I was left with ridiculously small breasts on on obese body. Have you ever tried to find a 48A bra?

Before the breast reduction, my plastic surgeon said to me in a carefully offhand tone, "Are you planning to lose any weight in the future?" Talk about a loaded question. I mumbled something about wishing I could lose weight but not expecting to succeed. He warned me that if I did lose weight after the reduction, I might not be happy with the "aesthetic" result, especially in the area of the lateral incisions. Turns out he was right. After losing my excess weight, the skin under my arms drapes weirdly over those incisions. Fortunately it's not something that's obvious to others, and even I don't see it unless I lift my arms away from my torso.

Despite all of that (and I scared thoughts of breast surgery right out of you, so be it), I'm glad I had the breast reduction. Those small breasts don't look so ludicrous with my smaller body. In fact, they look just right to me. I wear a 38B bra now, which is a bit easier to find than the 48A. My girls are drooping a bit - not quite as perky as they were 2-1/2 years ago, but as I tell my bra customers every day, "Gravity gets the better of us sooner or later." Interestingly, I've talked to many customers who've had breast reductions that resulted in smaller breasts than they'd like, but every one of them syas she doesn't regret the surgery. Like me, these ladies think it's wonderful to wear buttoned blouses that don't gape open and form-fitting sweaters that don't make them look like a Dolly Parton Wannabe. They like not having to buy a bigger size dress just to be able to fit it over their bosom while the neckline slips off their shoulders and a family of Munchkins can camp under the skirt.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Does the Adjustable Gastric Band Really Work?


My friend Karrie has graciously provided these photos of her weight loss journey. She has lost 130 pounds in a year and is doing great. Oh, did I mention that she has an adjustable gastric band? Sure looks like it works for her!


Friday, February 18, 2011

The new puppy at 9 Dogs Howling

...is Babe, a Bassett Hound-Something mix. Not that that has anything to do with weight loss surgery. But check out my collar bones!

Monday, February 7, 2011

When things go wrong

I undertook my adjustable gastric band journey with a great deal of hope and commitment. For a while there, I was a perfect bandster. I did everything right and got to my goal weight in one year. But while I was strutting along with that big, shiny halo on my head, I tripped and fell, and things started to go wrong.

In June 2009, when I was 21 months post-op, my band slipped, probably because of my untreated hiatal hernia. My original surgeon had lost his medical license and no local doctors would touch me. I found a new surgeon 150 miles away and had all the fill taken out of my band. All my symptoms disappeared, but I had to wait 6 weeks to start fills again, and shed many tears. When I started getting fills, they were increasingly difficult and finally impossible without the help of my surgeon, the hospital radiology department, and $3000 of my insurance company's money.

At the start of the holiday shopping season in 2009, I learned that I would need surgery to fix my flipped port. I couldn't take time off for surgery until January. The day after Thanksgiving, my mother died. I shed more tears, and more tears. In January 2010, my mother-in-law began losing her battle with cancer and I had to postpone my port surgery. Then my surgeon postponed it. Then my mother-in-law died. Finally I had the repair surgery in April 2009. It was much harder and more painful than my original band surgery, probably because of all the scar tissue in there. In May I began getting fills again. In July I started feeling restriction again. Although I had regained almost 25 pounds, once my band started working again, I started losing weight again. Now I'm 2 pounds away from my lowest weight, and my story has a happy ending. For now.

And what did I learn from my experience? I learned (again) that I'm not perfect, my band's not perfect, and that I have to set aside fear and panic in order to concentrate on solving a big problem or a series of small ones. I learned that I must pay attention to and honor my body every day. I learned that exercising every day will keep me sane if not perfectly thin. I learned that I truly am in this for the long haul, that the Magic Kingdom was just one stop along the way to my story's end. And the absolutely most important, most crucial lesson I learned was to ask others for help. Not just doctors but friends, family, fellow churchgoers, coworkers, and acquaintances (not necessarily all at once, though).

At work the other day, I had an encounter with one of my favorite elderly customers, a 92-yr-old woman with limited communication skills (I think because of a stroke). She is beautiful to me, with an angelic smile, and I want to just scoop her up and put her in my pocket (I have two big pockets in my bra fitter apron, and she might just fit). After we talked (with her daughter's translation assistance) and my customer walked away, I turned to my coworker and friend, Alicia. I was so overcome with grief at losing my own mother that I burst into tears. Alicia gave me a hug and comforted me, and I survived that bout of sadness and loss. There was a time in my life when I would have just dashed into the ladies' room to suffer alone. Now I have lost my mother but I have gained a friend, Alicia, who understands how hurt and lost I feel and wants me to feel better.

Similarly, I have lost a lot of other things since I was banded. I lost weight and inches, and some really dumb ideas about myself, and a closet full of jumbo sized clothes. I lost a job (that's another story) and I lost my mother. When my band slipped, I lost some of my enthusiasm and confidence in myself as a bandster. I lost my conviction that I already know everything I need to know (really,I should have given that idea up the first time it came to me, when I was 13 years old). But at the same time I have gained some knowledge, some wisdom, and some wonderful friends. Close by, I have Alicia. Far away, I have Lisa, and Nina, and Willa, and Christina. I still have my husband and far too many pets. I'm still alive. And I'm still on the bandwagon. Sometimes I have to get off and push the dang thing for a while, and sometimes I can just relax and watch the scenery go by.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Friday, January 14, 2011

How to find & cultivate an accountability partner

The best place to find an accountability partner is probably in a WLS support community - at in-person support group meetings, in your surgeon's waiting room, or at online support communities like Obesity Help. Go to a few meetings, eavesdrop on conversations and read forum postings, until you identify someone "simpatico". By that, I mean someone you identify with for any reason, whether it's his/her age, profession, hobbies, geographic location, you name it. Try to avoid someone would baby you when you need to be kicked in the butt. Initiate a conversation with that person. Introduce yourself, ask a question, give them a compliment, tell them a joke, express an opinion. If your interaction with this person goes well - they seem to "get" you and respond to you in a positive, caring and responsible fashion - ask if they'd be willing to try an accountability partnership with you. Tell them why. It might be, "I really admire your band success," or "Like you, I travel a lot for my job, and I'm wondering if you can share any eating tips with me."

When you find a partner and agree on how you're going to run the partnership, begin communicating immediately, every day without fail. If you're not going to be able to check in daily for a period (be it one day or one week), tell your parner in advance or as soon as you know - don't just disappear. Be has honest as you possibly can be with your partner, and demand the same thing of her/him. Listen carefully to what your partner says or writes. You may not have the magic answers to all your partner's problems, but you'll be helping just by listening closely and respectfully.

If you and your partner seem to fall into a rut, it might be time to shake things up. You can give each other a challenge, like exercising 5 minutes longer every day or giving up fast food meals for a month. You can decide to read a book together and discuss each section or chapter. A good book for this purpose (besides Bandwagon!) is The Emotional First Aid Kit by Cynthia Alexander (available on amazon). You can pledge to list three positive things that happened to you every single day. You can take a short vacation and give up talking about weight loss completely for a set period of time, but go on talking about other events and issues. When you return to the task of daily eating accountability, you might bring new energy or ideas along with you.

If at some point the partnership doesn't seem to be working for you, tell your partner and his him/her for ideas on how to improve the relationship. Your joint decision might be to end the relationship altogether, or to check in once a month instead of once a day, and that's OK.

Finally, here's an example of the kind of message I send to my accountability partner each morning:

Dear Partner (name withheld to protect the innocent),
It's 15F this morning. FIFTEEN DEGREES!!! WTF?! I moved all the way to Tennessee to get away from 15F weather!
I didn't eat according to plan yesterday, but I did OK. When I got done with my teeth cleaning and errands, I didn't have time to go home for lunch, so I got a chicken salad wrap at the coffee shop and ate most of half of it. It was pretty good, with grapes in the salad.

This morning I have a Zumba class. I've taken Zumba before at a different place and liked it a lot, but so far I'm not liking the new class because the instructor doesn't explain the moves or call them out before they start. You just have to play follow the leader.

I'll be at JCP from 11:00 am to 4:30 pm today. Food will be:

B&S: the usual (protein shake before workout, a latte afterward)
L: 2 oz catfish salad (like tuna salad), 2 Wasa thin & crispy sesame flatbreads
S: 1/4 c. trail mix
D: 3 oz crab cake, 1/4 c. barley & veggy salad
S: granola bar
I'm liking the granola bars for an evening snack because they're so chewy. Gotta chew!

Have a great day and STAY WARM!
Jean

Monday, January 10, 2011

Can you win at weight loss?

I want to challenge your (acknowledged or unacknowledged) belief that you can't succeed at weight loss. Think about it. What have you done in your life so far that required long-term, sustained effort that didn't necessarily yield immediate results or rewards? School? Marriage? Child rearing? Learning to drive, crochet, play bridge, speak another language, put your eyeliner on straight? Did you housebreak a puppy, teach a Sunday school class, grow a garden, keep an African violet alive? Make a list. After each accomplishment, write down how long you worked at it, or how long you've been working at it, and rate your current results on a scale of 0 to 5, where 0 equals complete failure and 5 equals competence or success. Here's an example from my own list:

project - time spent - score - results:
graduated from high school at age 16 - 11 yrs - 5 - done (just barely)
learned to drive a car (automatic) - 3 months - 5 - done (and only 13 speeding tickets)
learned to drive a car (standard) - 6 months - 5 - done (and didn't ruin a single clutch)
graduated from college - 4 years - 5 - Magna Cum Laude
marriage #1 - 6 years - 1 - divorced
marriage #2 - 24 years - 5 - better than ever
went back to school for a business degree - 2 yrs - 3 - 24 credits but no degree
learned to speak & write French - 6 years - 4 - no longer fluent (c'est une dommage!)
learned to speak Mandarin Chinese - 2 years - 1 - I can say beer, friend, and hello
put on eyeliner straight - 43 years - 4 - not great, but getting better
learn to play mah jongg - 20 minutes - 0 - didn't get it and quit
learned to cook - 40 years - 5 - better than ever
learned to use our new vacuum cleaner - 3 minutes - 0 - haven't tried very hard
lost 90 pounds thanks to my band and 3 years work - 5 - and still working at it!

Does that give you enough of an idea?